Just a brick in the wall

The body can be a cool and nice place to live for the soul. 

We are in control of our mind, our thoughts and how we decide to show up in the world. It's just not often that we realize it and use it the way it was supposed. 

Tendencies to fit in, be like others want us to be, pleasing others etc. is more natural to us than taking our self seriously. we are so caught up in pleasing others that we forget who we are and what we really want. 

Showing up for one self can be a tricky thing. I have spent most of my life pleasing others, making them feel good and doing what I thought was expected of me. Turned out it was a giant waste of time. 

They were not interested in helping me or make me a better person, not at all. They were only interested in making them selfs look way better than me or anyone else. 

I could come up with any numbers of ideas, brilliant or not, they just took them and ran with them. Claming that it was their idea. And of cause they left me felling betrayed. 

I never got why. Why would they do that? Steal ideas, claming it was theres and then get credit for it. 

Years later I understood why. They were never interested in me or how I looked. They were only interested in them selfs and how others saw them. If they looked good in the eyes of others - everything was great. they drew there energy from me and others who were "stupid" enough to give them what they wanted. 

Energy! They were almost nourished by the energy they took from others, while at the same time, they made a point of being able to appear almost innocent in the eyes of others.

The copy machine worked perfectly. I was being one copy after another of all the others I was trying be in the hope that I would be as great as them. That somebody would notice me and tell me how they appreciated me as a person and that they had great respect for what I did.

No wonder I was so tired at the end of the day. No wonder I never had energy enough to myself, my family. I gave all my energy away in the hopes that I got something in return. Well, I never did.

This wasn't a team effort.

If I wanted to keep my energy and become who I was supposed to be, I had to do something. 

So I quit my job. Learned how to nit socks and just learning how to be. That was all I had. to do. Just be. That was all I could do at that point, if I wanted to have my soul and my life back.

I didn't want to be just another brick in the wall...